Blue and white, and blue

I've always loved the combination of blue and white. And lately I've discovered that I like editing photos. You may have notice that in the last post or two. I'm sure I'll get tired of trying out the different effects with photos, but I'll never get tired of blue and white.

I really, really like blue and white. A lot.

Blue paint on white paper.

Blue and white vases.

Blue and white dishes.

Blue and white flowers.

And because of the unusually dry, windy and warm weather we've been having, the sky has been a darker, clearer blue than usual.

In fact, clouds are very scarce around here lately. It's very pretty, but it's been a very odd year.

What's not blue and white, or even black and white, is how you decide when to let a pet go. Last Sunday Beau had such a bad day that we had all decided I'd have to call the vet on Monday morning. But by Monday morning he had perked up again, and we decided to wait.

We're doing everything the vet suggested, keeping Beau comfortable with his pain pills and other meds, making sure he drinks water and eats something, checking his gums to make sure he's not bleeding internally. But most days now he only eats about half of what he used to, and he's getting very thin. His legs and paws and hips are getting weaker every day from the arthritis, but he can still chase the cat sometimes. His run has turned into a hop, as he keeps his hind legs together for strength.

He still has happy times when his eyes twinkle and his stump of a tail wiggles a little bit, when he comes up to one of us and nudges us to pet him. When he presses his head against one of our legs and looks up at us with what I can only describe as love in those beautiful big brown eyes. But other times you can tell he doesn't wish to be touched, he growls a bit or barks when someone touches him. He can't really clean himself well anymore, and he doesn't like me to brush him. He used to love to be brushed, because that meant it was treat time. Those days are behind us.

Our vet said we'd know when it was time, because his bad days would outnumber his good days. We're at about 50/50 now, I think. The hard thing now is for the four of us, me, Mr. C, the Linguist and the Philosopher, to come to terms with the inevitable. We need to find the inner strength to do what is right for Beau. I'm just hoping we have the wisdom to know when that time has come, because we will have to decide when to have him put to sleep. His heart and lungs are still so strong, they seem like they could go on for years yet. It's his legs and spleen and bladder, and who know what else, that are failing.

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

"One reason a dog can be such a comfort
when you're feeling blue

is that he doesn't try to find out why.”

~ Unknown

One wild and precious life

 

Here are a few of the good things I've noticed in the last few days. 

I'm finding even more intriguing textures everywhere I look.

Everywhere.

Inside

and outside.

New transplants seem happy,

and I'm happy to let volunteers bloom wherever they'd like this year, too.

A little bit of old-fashioned color on the outside windowsill brightens any day.

I'm not really superstitious, but everytime I write about how Beau is doing, he seems to rebound a bit.  So here's another photo of our dear old man snoozing away, along with a nice little shot of Skitzi glaring at the camera.

I came across this wonderful Mary Oliver poem again today. 

Like all of her poems, it gets right to the heart of what's important. . .

The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

~  Mary Oliver

And here's Mary Oliver reading the poem herself.  I'm not a fan of much poetry, but I adore Mary Oliver, and she reads her own poetry better than anyone.

“Life becomes precious and more special to us 

when we look for the little everyday miracles 

and get excited about the privileges 

of simply being human.”

~ Tim Hansel

Luxuries and necessities

“Luxury is not a necessity to me, 

but beautiful and good things are.”

― Anaïs Nin

I've been thinking a lot lately while doing the many mindless and mundane everyday tasks of life.  Here in Wisconsin, we've had some very ugly times politically, and I've been trying to avoid as much of that as possible.  Silencing all that noise leaves a lot more room for thinking your own thoughts, and noticing the little things you've been overlooking in your own life.  It seems like a luxury sometimes to be silent and allow the mind to drift, but it's really a necessity, don't you think?

Today I happily rediscovered this antique embroidered cosmetic case which was a keepsake I received after my favorite aunt died when I was 11.  It's a little luxury item from another place and time that made me think about the luxuries and necessities in my life.

Just looking at some of my favorite spots makes me deeply happy these days, but I wouldn't call most of these things luxurious.  Comfortable and pleasing to look at, yes, but not luxurious by any means.

I adore this stained glass lamp,

and the many curls of Buddha's head.

A few small pinecones, and the clay turtle I made in high school.

Old and familiar little notes to myself that have kept me grounded for years.

And books!  I'd be lost without them.  In this household, books are definitely more of a necessity than a luxury, to be sure.

Outside, the poppies bloomed very early and did strange things.

The rose bush has never bloomed this profusely before.

While Spring and Summer are in a rush this year, I'm definitely making a conscious effort to slow myself down.

I've written several times before on this blog that I'm really trying to take the time to notice the world around me, and that's more true than ever.  Like when I saw what was left of this tree peony flower.  It only looked like this for a few hours, and I've always missed this stage of the withering flower before.  I think it's gorgeous, don't you?

In some ways, I think I've been following our sweet old Beau's lead as he slows down more and more each day.  We've been lucky with our mild Winter and early Spring.  That's made his life so much easier,.  And longer, too, I think.  But I know this will be his last Summer with us, and that makes each day more meaningful.

Taking the time to be silent and appreciate the little things is becoming a necessity to me, more and more.  I don't need luxurious things, just the simple things I love.

I haven't had much opportunity to make art, but I plan to change that again starting next week.  Finding the time and space to make art is a luxury right now, but it's a necessity too.  I'm much happier when I can be painting or drawing or creating in some way.

I found this on Tumblr today, and it expresses how I feel about art perfectly these days.

I Will Not Make Any More Boring Art, 1971

 John Baldessari

Why not?

Many years ago, before I started painting again, I met a very interesting older woman. She had jet-black hair and wore hot-pink sneakers. Of course I had to meet her! It turned out that she was an artist (of course!), and she invited me to her home to see her art and her studio. Looking back on this chance meeting all these years later, I finally realized something. I really think meeting her changed my life. Although it has taken me a few years to actually act on what she taught me.

She moved away, across the country, years ago. But I sometimes still think of her fabulous paintings and wall hangings, and of a phrase she used often while she was enthusiastically talking about making art, fully living her life, and learning new languages well into her 70s. Her favorite phrase was, "Why not?"

"Why not!"

I often seem to stand in my own way, rather than to boldly move forward in certain aspects of my life. Art is one of those aspects. The last few days, when I think about the different directions I'd like to go in artistically, I've been hearing this woman's voice say emphatically, "Why not?!"


Why not, indeed! Why not just go for it?! Finally show my colors and bloom where I'm planted.

Why not?!

So, I'm going to be *BOLDLY* experimenting with some new directions in art. I don't know how much I'll be showing here for a while, but I will be back with new art when I start to get an idea of where I'm heading.


In the mean time, I discovered this wonderful video today. The artist is Sarah Kiser, and her work just makes me happy.




She also has a website:
http://www.artbysarahkiser.com/

“The best way to know life
is to love many things”
~ Vincent van Gogh
found on Tumblr

Past Present Future

St. Bartholomä
watercolor

Sometimes seeing who you were in the past helps you figure out who you want to be in the future.

Melk, Austria
watercolor

I came across these two little watercolor sketches this week. I painted them back when I was still afraid of the juicy power that watercolors can have. If you let watercolors have plenty of water, room to explore and the time to find their own way, that is.

They were on the first page of one of several little journals I've started and stopped over the years. A bad habit. I start with be best of intentions, and then over-think what the journal should be used for. I become overly-critical of myself, and then that's the end of that.

Finding that journal, and those two little paintings of places I had visited long, long ago, led me to look into my digital photo files. Just to see what else I'd forgotten about myself.

angel detail

I found special angels I painted for special people a few years ago. But instead of looking at the entire painting, I felt compelled to focus on details.

angel detail

Details I liked the most.

angel detail

Details as delicate angel wings.

Looking at who I was, and what I've accomplished in the past, has helped me focus on the details of what I want to do in the future.

angel detail

I want to keep making art, but take it more seriously. I want to create with my heart, and from my heart.

acrylic detail

I want to embrace color. Vibrant and happy color.

acrylic detail

And I want to allow myself to soar to new heights, with reckless abandon. To finally cast aside, for good, the barriers I always seem to set up for myself, and celebrate a new-found feeling of complete freedom.

This past week I also gathered together some little books to use as art journals, since I finally have a clear vision of what keeping a journal now could mean to me. There's a wonderful book, An Illustrated Life, by Danny Gregory, that I've been reading, too, which has shown me just how amazing keeping an art journal can be.

I finally get it. And, more importantly, I finally get me.

"Deep inside
I think drawing and writing
(will) help me remain whole
in a world
that feels so broken apart."
~Rick Beerhorst

(of Studio Beerhorst)
as quoted in An Illustrated Life

Bouncing around

Clematis
watercolor, watercolor pencils, Caran d'Ache
8x10

Here's the last of the 5 watercolor flowers I've been working on. I should really call them water media paintings, since I'm not using only these lovely Windsor and Newton watercolors.


I've also been using Derwent watercolor pencils and Caran d'Ache watercolor crayons again, bouncing around between these three water media at whim. I've found that I really like to switch between painting and drawing to get the result I'm looking for.

(detail)

So now I'm ready to bounce over to something really different. A new idea is brewing, but I don't know exactly what form it will take yet.

Someone else who is bouncing around at times is our old dog Beau. (I wrote about all his health troubles a few posts ago.) Automatically giving him two pain pills a day is helping him quite a bit, but I still don't like the idea of an animal being constantly medicated. He's so smart, though. Because he can't count on his hind legs all the time, he has started to sometimes use them together, rather than one-at-a-time. So when he wants to run a few steps, he actually hops, or bounces, with his hind legs together until he gets his legs going the "right" way.

All I can say is that animals are amazing! Bouncing is working for our old Beau, getting him where he wants to go. Bouncing around seems to be working for me, too.

I'll also be bouncing around the internet in the next week or so, visiting all my favorite blogs. It's been too long since I've taken the time to do that, so I'm really looking forward to it.

"Change
is a bouncing ball
on the circumference of a circle."

~ Kin Hubbard

Authenticity

Crocuses
watercolor, watercolor pencils, Caran d'Ache
8x10
(SOLD)

This is how I've decided I wanted to paint crocuses this time. There are already many others who can paint them to look more authentic. But, I'm trying my best to be authentic to myself in all things these days, so this is how I paint crocuses. Today, anyway. These things can change quickly, when you're listening to your inner self.

I've been thinking about authenticity a great deal this last year or more, but the video I shared in the previous post has really had me thinking about it more than ever. So have all the lovely comments that the last post inspired. Thank you for sharing your ideas about introverts and extroverts and everything in between.

In this world, where everyone seems to want to label everyone else, and where the extremes and extremists get all the attention, I feel we need to be reminded that people and ideas are not only black or white, right or wrong, right or left. Just like no one who is truly mentally healthy can be only an introvert or only an extrovert. Fortunately the vast majority of us fall somewhere along a wonderful spectrum.

spectrum

We are all unique, with our own glorious combination of genes, and ideas, and influences that makes us who we are. I hope we can all start to celebrate who we really are along this spectrum of possibilities, by being as authentic as we can be.

“The privilege of a lifetime
is to become who you truly are.”
~ Carl Jung

Subtle changes

“My soul is impatient with itself,
as with a bothersome child;
its restlessness keeps growing
and is forever the same.
Everything interests me,
but nothing holds me.”
~ Fernando Pessoa

I've added a few more details to the stitching. Subtle changes which pull it together a bit, so that it could potentially stand alone, or work as part of a larger piece.


I'm ready to move on, for now. Although I'm not sure what I'll be doing next. Something different, or maybe just subtly different. I'm taking a bit of serious quiet time to try to figure out where I go from here.

“Without great solitude,
no serious work is possible.”
~ Pablo Picasso
(both quotes found on tumblr)

P.S. I'm also still working on getting my online "stuff" in order, so if I disappear from here or there, it will only be temporary. In case you don't know what I'm referring to, I explained it at the end of my last post. 'Til then!

Contrast

"No bird soars too high
if he soars with his own wings."
~ William Blake

The two flower petals have now become bird/petals. I love the texture of these stitches.


While I really like monochromatic art, I never seem content to create something myself without adding some stark contrasts. I love how the deep purple is making the yellow pop, and vice versa.

"Contrast warm to cool.
Make color sing,
ring like a bell.
Work from big to small."
~ Sergei Bongart

The dense scattering of the contrasting French knots, among the simpler seed stitches, back stitches, and running stitches is adding lovely texture, too.

I am learning a lot about my use of color by doing these stitches, things I never noticed before when I was painting or drawing. Stitching is so much slower and more deliberate, you notice how each stitch affects the appearance of the one next to it. It reminds me of the ripples our own actions cause, and how the simplest thing we do or say can impact someone else.

"Without contraries is no progression.
Attraction and repulsion,
reason and energy,
love and hate,
are necessary to human existence."
~ William Blake

And please note: I've been trying to do some online Spring cleaning. It turns out that I am too interested in too many things. Hahaha! As if that's even possible! On Blogger, I am following approximately 900 blogs. I can no longer use my Blogger dashboard to manage what I follow, since it can only handle up to 300 blogs. It's been causing me nothing but headaches to try to get this under control. I can't delete inactive blogs, blogs without a followers' widget, blogs that have totally changed focus, etc., etc. using my dashboard, until I get under that 300 point.

If I temporarily disappear from your followers list, don't worry. I'm following you another way until I can get this all taken care of, and so that I can access the dashboard again.

I've got the same situation with Facebook and tumblr, too. There is just too much interesting stuff out there on the web!

“...I have always lived on contrasts!
To me the only death is monotony.
Beware of monotony;
it's the mother of all the deadly sins.”
~ Edith Wharton