That last post started me thinking about how I got here, in this house, in this town. Because I've been feeling uncomfortable and out of place here for quite a while.
Do you know the story by O'Henry? The one where the young couple doesn't have much, but each wants to give the other something nice for Christmas? She cuts her beautiful long hair and sells it so she can get him a chain for his pocket watch, and he sells his pocket watch so he can get her a decorative comb for her hair.
Well, my husband and I bought this house, in this town, 20 years ago, early in our marriage. We just recently found out that I thought he really wanted to live here, so I pretended to like it more than I did - and he thought I really wanted to live here, so he pretended to like it more than he did. We were young, in love, and still eager to please each other. Kinda funny - kinda not.
Well, here we are. But nothing is forever, and most things can be changed somehow, so it will all be OK eventually. My dream back then did include having a family, and that came true, so that's the most important thing. I love my children more than I ever thought you could love anything or anyone. My dream for myself now is to be able to do something meaningful and art-related for the rest of my life. Maybe own a gallery in some wonderful, scenic place that people enjoy visiting. Finding my own style artistically, that would be great, too.
But I know from now on I will speak and act on what is really true in my heart. I know I won't pretend to like something for the better part of 20 years again.
