The kitchen table is my “studio” for many of my creative efforts, so while I often have the urge to create something, I often don’t have a place of my own to follow through on these urges. Lucky for me, doodles are not too particular about where you create them. :0) This is a doodle I did over the rainy weekend. I also included some stream of consciousness scribbles:
with my own hands
I will create a new life
with my own hands
I will learn to fly
with my own hands
I will create a life
of purpose
and meaning
and beauty
with my own hands
I will create
and learn
and teach
and savor
and know what to do
with my own hands
I feel I’m on the verge of something, but I don’t know quite what yet. I’m having that familiar love/hate relationship with the Internet and blogging again. Some days I’m just ready to delete my blogs because the whole concept of blogging seems so self-centered. Look at me! Look at me! Other days I see the important connections, though fleeting and ultimately superficial in many cases, that can be made with complete strangers. I’m just looking for more.
It’s not that I'm becoming an empty-nester, really. At 52, (ha! I’m burying my age in here, hoping no one will see it! :0)) I’ve got two teenagers still at home. But I’m ready for something else. I’m just not sure what. It’s not like when I was young and the path into adulthood was clear. I graduated from the university, established a successful career, finally decided to marry and start a family, etc. Simple. But now what? I’m not needed in the same way I have been for the past 19 years. It’s up to me to choose the next fork in the road that's right for me. But what if I choose the wrong fork? I feel like I don’t have the luxury to make the wrong decisions anymore. I feel like time is running short and I have to make the right decision NOW.
I know I want to do something with meaning and purpose, and I’m looking into the possibility of working as a therapist with autistic children. I also know I need to work on creative/artistic things, and educate myself further about environmental, social and humanitarian issues, learn a few more foreign languages. And travel travel travel!
It’s up to me to choose the direction of the rest of my life. I wonder what's just over the horizon. . .
